My Life, My Way. The Conditioning.

The meanderings and twists and turns of real-life told through the poetry of a crazy mind… or am I sane? You decide…

What if I told you all is not as it seems…

What if I told you this is the land of dreams…

Dive inside, come on, let’s see… the twists and turns of the life we see.

My Unhealthy Obsession with HRH the Anti-Christ 666

I’ve been in love with HRH since I was eight years old. I prayed to Jesus every night that he would be my husband one day. Little did I know that he was the Anti-Christ until the Apostolic pastor who would preach on the nightclub strip revealed it to us. I was afraid but loved him. I prayed for the Anti-Christ but was molested by a paedophile instead. That paedophile was named Phantom and he ruled Belial. Belial is where I lived. I wanted to escape Phantom so desperately. I prayed and my prayers were unanswered until my friends in Navajo Nation helped me get across the portal through the Lukachukai Mountains. In the Lukachukai Mountains there was a waterfall portal called “Water is Life” where one can escape to the land of Eleutheria. Eleutheria is where His Royal Highness (HRH) lives. I hope one day I can meet him. I hope one day he loves me and fights against Phantom and rescues me from Phantom’s rule. I hope Jesus forgives me for my unhealthy obsession with the Anti-Christ.

My Wife’s Canary

Miles Maskell has lived a varied and adventurous life, and has travelled widely as amply demonstrated in his anecdotes. He has been a City of London wine merchant, owned two restaurants and a champagne bar, and eventually created a company letting top-of-the-range properties in southern France on behalf of their owners.

He has climbed mountains, shot wild boar in Poland, piloted a 4-seater aircraft of which he was a part-owner, parachuted in New Zealand, and ridden the Cresta Run in St Moritz. He is also a sculptor.

Written as a lighthearted and easy-to-read series of anecdotes, this is his autobiography and recounts some of the more entertaining experiences of his life to date, as well as a number of amusing incidents encountered by his relations and closest friends.

He was born in London where he continues to live, having been at school in Cape Town and then at Cambridge University.

Myriam Von Bacterium

Somewhere in a human’s intestine, in the middle of a busy city of bacteria, a mother is sending her daughter Myriam to her first day of school. Despite being quite hopeful about her first day, things don’t turn out as she expected. Myriam will learn how to make friends and deal with bullies, all while learning more about types of bacteria.

Nicholas and Alexandra Majesties and Massacre

This is a book about love, life and death set in Russia, during Czar Nicholas the II’s reign. It commences at the end of the 19th century with his father’s burial and his subsequent inheritance of the Crown – with absolute power. His reign is underpinned by the strong love between him and his wife Alexandra and overshadowed by the presence of Rasputin.

But his unwise decisions lead to chaos, including the Khadynka Tragedy, Bloody Sunday, 1905 revolution and the Czar’s abdication. His family is imprisoned, first in Tobolsk and then in Ekaterinburg, and the story concludes with the communists obtaining power and executing the entire royal family.

Become entangled in the tales of love, hate, conflict, sex, treachery, and murder between the characters. Dive into a horrifying historical moment from one hundred years ago and experience for yourself life at a crucial turning point in Russia’s bloody history.

Nog The Parrot

“Now Nog was very special

And everyone could see,

That one day he would spread his wings,

And fly up to a tree!”

Will Nog succeed in his dream? And will his hedgehog friends be able to help him make his dream a reality?

A delightful tale for children and parents alike.

Oklem

“Just because the war is over, doesn’t mean the story is.”

What happens after a 10-year war? Unity brought the Mortal, Fire, Ice and Earth Nations together to defeat Skull, a pirate army desperate to merge the supernatural world with the mortal.

19-year-old Azar Geminus finds himself at the centre of a bizarre, supernatural mystery. With the war at an end, and his heart broken, his only goal is to reunite with his parents. But this proves more challenging than expected when he learns that they have gone missing. Whilst the city he has lived in all his life begins to expose the darkness that dwells within, Azar finds himself changing in ways he cannot control.

As betrayal, mystery, and danger close in around him, Azar realises that there are three sides to every story: the Nations, the supernatural, and the truth. As one war ends, another, much more personal, is just beginning. And when the fate of the Nations rests on lies, who else can he rely on other than himself?

Older

A sociopath managing an aged care facility: What could go wrong?

Precocious and pretty Maxine Gilbert is a clever and talented nine-year-old, adored by a doting father. She is also cruel, sadistic and without remorse, delighting in manipulating others and torturing small animals. When her mother is diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease, Maxine is disgusted, not just by her mother’s disability, but by the inconvenience it brings. Watching a nurse care for her mother, Maxine learns that nurses can hurt or heal. Maxine decides to be a nurse when she grows up.

Forty years on, after countless complaints against her nursing in various clinical care settings, Maxine scams a job as Managing Director of an aged care facility, Treetops, and the residents are in for a rough time.

Under Maxine’s management, physical and medical restraint of residents is encouraged, and neglect, poor hygiene, and restrictions of residents’ liberty, nourishment and medical support are exhorted. Frightened, depressed, and malnourished residents are left isolated, locked away, and laying in their own waste. They develop excruciating infections, suffer illness, and even die. Maxine faces rising antagonism from Treetops’ residents, and their friends and family. 

A new carer at Treetops, Seleena, who recently escaped an abusive marriage, cannot stay silent. Along with warning residents, and others, Seleena writes a letter of complaint. After finding a suspicious lump in her breast, could Maxine, who always hated illness and vulnerability in others, finally learn compassion? Or will she continue her ruthless ways?

Otto Papesch

Otto Papesch was my father. I was four years old when he died. I asked myself for years what kind of a human being he was. I have attempted to paint a picture of that handsome, charismatic, cultivated, professional chemical engineer, enthusiastic sportsman, photographer and family man by basing myself on the vast correspondence that still exists, his diary of 1917, stories about him from my mother and grandparents and the innumerable photos he took over the years. This has been an attempt to describe his prominent characteristics but also shed light on his dilemmas and the contradictions in his personality and thereby to describe the important events of his short life. Would his destiny have been different had he been born a year later?

Part of the Family

An inspiring story of one family’s journey through the British care system, from the point of view of a foster carer. It tells of the funny, challenging, and often harrowing times of living life in an ever-changing household of temporary children.

Steering a course through the muddy waters of the care system has provided many obstacles but has overall proved to be a rewarding and heart-warming experience for the author.

Children who find themselves removed from their birth families are thrust into a system which, although trying its best, is so often lacking in the love and good quality nurturing they deserve.

As a society, we need to look at the way we deal with vulnerable children.

Peace of Wild

An enticing book for children of all ages.

Can animals communicate?

Can their voice be heard to make their plight known?

Are there still magical and mystical beings hidden from us?

Meet the charming animal characters representing endangered species, read their interesting, exciting, and informative adventures and stories.

What exactly is Javerwop?

The wonder of the wild, the magical and mystical all await you within the pages of this book!

Unfortunately, with the wonder, magical and mystical come the dark foes!

Which side will you take?

Will you answer the plea to help?

Mankind seems determined to destroy our beautiful world. They use and abuse nature’s abundance with no thought for the future.

Lady Eleanor and many of her animal friends have witnessed and experienced first-hand the devastation and destruction that can result.

Will people listen to their pleas?

A Fusion of Fact and Fiction

Pets Aplenty

Join novice vet, Paul Mitchell, in a further six months of hilarious escapades he experiences while working at Prospect House Veterinary Hospital. He's confronted by a ravenous pig while sunbathing naked in a cornfield. He locks jaws with a caiman with scale rot and battles with Doug, a vicious miniature donkey that's always sinking his teeth into him. It ends with a Christmas pet blessing which erupts into pandemonium as frightened pets and owners scatter through the pews. Throughout his adventures, Paul is loyally supported by the team at the hospital - in particular Beryl, the elderly one-eyed receptionist, and, Lucy the junior nurse - together with whom he shares this merry-go-round of mayhem. It's a gripping, fast page-turner that's guaranteed to keep animal lovers entranced.

Praise for Malcolm Welshman

‘... paints a vivid picture of many fascinating characters.'
Jim Wight, son of James Herriot

‘... brings a smile to your face.'
Sir Terry Wogan

‘Your story is a corker.'
Richard Madeley

‘... hilarious stories straight from a vet's pen will keep you chuckling.'
Stella Whitelaw